Having a very low income, or being close to poverty, is something many people face...that's just the harsh reality. You think working a dead-end job is bad; being broke and unemployed is even worse. Having a wallet with no money in it...is like having an aquarium without fish!
It's a shame that most of us have to work long hours to survive in this superficial society, but it's better than having no job at all! At most jobs, you might work some over time, and get time and a half; but when you're unemployed, you're begging for money half of the time!
When you're poor, your thought process works a little differently compared to the middle-class; when you're middle-class, you fantasize making a million dollars; when you're lower-class, you fantasize about making 10 bucks!
You start planning what you would do with all that money; you say to yourself, "If only I had $10; I would buy some bus-fare, and a bag of chips...my friends would be so jealous! With that kind of money...I'd have to move!"
There are some advantages being poor; when you're broke, you don't have to worry about the opposite sex trying to get with you for your money; when you're broke, you don't have to worry about someone robbing you; when you're broke, you will become more creative; if you're employed, but you want to unleash that creative genius from within...you're going to have to get laid off!
Poverty will make you more creative...trust me! I remember years ago, I ran out of milk - so I ended up eating cornflakes...with koolaid! I poured that koolaid over my bowl of cereal, closed my eyes, and focused on cows!
When you're poor, your survival instincts kick in; you learn to live without a few things, the middle class take for granted - like cable; I lived without cable for years!
I lived without it for so long, when I finally got my cable hooked up, I heard there was a TV show called "Seinfeld"!
(for me, Seinfeld re-runs were like all new episodes!)
You know what's the worse about not having any money? You can't afford decent clothes. When you can't buy clothing, you feel like a loser walking around wearing "Cross Colors"!
When you have no money, it's hard to keep up with the latest fashions; everyone is wearing Calvin Klein's...you're still wearing that Michael Jackson "Thriller" jacket!
When people are making fun of you, you don't even have those zombies backing you up!
I know from first hand experience what it's like to be financially challenged; it all started when I left home at the age of eighteen; I had very little life experience, no job, and on top of that, I was a high school drop-out!
When you don't graduate from high school, you can't even become a garbage man!
Whoever thought you would need a diploma to pick up trash; I knew how to do that in kindergarten!
When I picked up my piece of garbage, I don't recall my parents saying "I think we have a prodigy on our hands!"
Even though I turned out to be a successful comic with my very own award winning TV show, garbage men look down on me. I over heard a garbage man say to his co-worker, "please shoot me if turn out to be like him!"
Do you know what it's like to be hungry? I do! When you get to the point of starvation, you end up swallowing your pride; just to see if that would make your belly full!
There was a time I was so broke, I wasn't even able to buy food; there were times I found myself at the food bank!
When you're at the food bank, you don't always get the best stuff; one time I got a box of macaroni & cheese...but without the cheese; but because I was highly creative that day...I used Ketchup! (still focusing on cows.)
Back in those days I would do anything to survive; my old room-mate and I would search, and gather up all the nickels, and dimes we found around our apartment, went to the corner store...so that we could buy one donut! After we would bring that donut home, split it in half, then said grace.To a regular person, a donut is just a donut; but when that's your only source of food, a jelly donut becomes a stuffed turkey!
Because of those days, starvation is something I stay far away from; because when you're that hungry, your belly starts talking to you; it starts saying things like "You need to eat, you need a drink...get a job!"
Don't get me wrong, I worked many jobs; many of them for minimum wage; many of them with no benefits; at some these jobs, I didn't stick around long enough to pick up a check!
One of my longest working jobs was KFC. I was there for four years.When I worked there, I used to steal the ketchup packets, and paper napkins...I don't have to tell what the paper napkins were for...let's just say Cottonelle ain't cheap!
I used to take everything home; I was so desperate for stuff, I even stole the salt & pepper!
(because when you're creative and broke, even a donut needs a little seasoning.)
It's very hard to live comfortably when you have no money; there was a time when I was renting a bed room apartment paying $300 a month, and I was still struggling...for some reason, I was always $299 short!
It's the worse when you can't pay your rent; one time I was so low on cash, to come up with the payment, I became a guinea pig for a medical study; this study paid me $800 to test out a drug for high blood pressure.
To make this money, I had to go there for two weekends; they put me on a high calorie diet, they gave me these pills, and drew blood 24 times a day; they took so much blood, it made me light-headed. When I think about it now, taking those pills gave me headaches for several years...but I had a roof over my head!
(if I died after that study, no one could ever say I died homeless!)
Here's the thing about these studies; we have all these volunteers taking part in all these dangerous experiments, which will benefit mankind someday, and we call them heroes...they aren't heroes, they're just a bunch of poor people trying to make a buck!
A hero is a rich man who sacrifices his family, his business, and his reputation by injecting himself with an experimental AIDS vaccine! The poor volunteer isn't the hero, he would have done that same study, for a box of Q-tips!
I'm going to quickly end this piece by saying that there is a prejudice out there when it comes to people with low-incomes; not only can poverty effect your wallet, but it can also effect the way people perceive you.
It is true that there are many people out there who simply have low ambition, but for many other, they're are victims of circumstance. Well I'm here to tell you, if it's true that all men are created equal, then this image of financial success, or lack of, is just a distortion; because money doesn't make the man...
MAN CAN ONLY MAKE THE MONEY!
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Monday, November 28, 2005
The Shattering Of A Broken Vow
Let me just say right off the bat, I’m not good at telling people what they want to hear; if I was in the Psychic business, I’d be broke.
If the elderly came to me for a psychic prediction, I would say “Well, the only thing I see in your future…is a casket.”
I am the deliverer of bad news; I don’t know why I can’t get an Anchor job at a news broadcast.
Anyway, I’m about to let you in on something parents don’t prepare you for; this won’t be an issue for all of you, but when it comes to future relationships, its always good to prepare yourself for the worst.
This month’s topic is on the subject of infidelity; not only about the practice of it, but the thought. Some of you may be threatened by the subject matter, but once you’re married, fantasizing about a marital affair is totally harmless…if you or your partner can keep it to yourselves.
I’ve been with the same person for almost 11 years, and I’ve been married for over 2; and I can’t help the fact that I still have sexual desires for other women.
But seriously: is it considered sinful to lust after another person?
If so, why is it wrong for me to lust after another woman other than my wife?
I can’t help it if one of my weaknesses is the image of a woman’s figure!
I love the shape of a woman; I love the feminine shape so much, I lose it whenever I see a Pepsi bottle!
Now what causes the actual act of infidelity in men?
Is it hereditary?
Is it environment?
Is it Angelina Jolie?
Then I started thinking; are we actually supposed to be with one person for the rest of our lives? It’s worth trying, but the practice of everlasting monogamy seems a little unnatural; marriage would be a lot easier if the average human life span was five years!
Now I’m not breaking any vows because I’m fantasizing about sleeping with other women, I can have thoughts of robbing banks; it ain’t a crime till I say “This is a hold up!”
In all reality, I think it's extremely difficult staying faithful to one individual; it's easier to be emotionally involved with one person, but when it comes to butt-naked, nasty-ass sex…a different body and face, can be totally stimulating…or so I’m told.
(I hear having a concubine or two gets you through those hard times. Pardon the pun!)
Don’t get me wrong; there are many benefits from staying with one person: there’s a sense of security, and stability, and once in awhile you can get away with being bad in bed.
(You can rest assured that your spouse won’t break up with you…when you pass wind.)
Don't dismiss me as of yet; every bone in my body tells me that infidelity’s wrong, but hormones will put up a strong argument.
You put hormones and morals in the same room, hormones will win the debate every time. Testosterone should be the Host of CNN’s Crossfire!
People are cheating, more than you think. When my guy friends tell me about their love affairs with women other than their pretty wives, I'm discussed… yet stimulated!
The truth is, I love hearing stories about infidelity; that’s my fantasy; some people fantasize about time travel, I fantasize about marital affairs. If I had a time machine, I wouldn’t visit ancient Rome…I’d revisit past one night stands!
Stories about a cheating spouse excites me for some dysfunctional reason; a cheating man getting away with murder is one thing; but there's nothing more exciting than a horny, cheating, desperate house wife...as long as it ain’t my wife!
If I found out my woman cheated on me, she wouldn't live long enough to tell her friends about it; not because she messed around, but because I’d look like the punk who couldn’t do her right!
Women will argue that if a man cheats on his wife, it's because he didn't find his true soul mate; I don't think that's ‘always’ the case; very few people on earth can supply all of their partner’s sexual needs.
A man might be with his ultimate soul mate…who happens not to like anal!
Do you dump your wife and leave her for another, simply because she doesn’t like being stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey?
You end up going for that other woman who loves taking it from behind, but happens to hate intellectual conversation - what do you do? Overdub her voice with old recorded lectures from your University Professor?
(Just for the record, I’m not into anal; but a good sexual relationship is about give and take; so to keep a woman like that happy, I would have to stand at a distance, and feed her naked ass with a wooden broomstick!)
Not everyone can get true sexual satisfaction from one person; sexual fulfillment may come with more than one. So if you’re male, and this sounds like you, you can only come clean if you marry a swinger!
(You better hope your future wife has sexual thoughts about your best man!)
I must say it can get overly redundant having sex with the same person all the time; why? Because it's the same person…all the time!
You can find many sexual activities to spice up your relationship all you want; but a man’s wife can only dress up as a Catholic School Girl so many times.
Before you settle down, think this through: being with one person for the rest of your life is very difficult if you’re talking sexually; if I didn't have to put up with all the nagging and the bickering...I'd consider polygamy!
A man is a cheating man, no matter how you want to slice it, and it is wrong for a man to deceive his wife; but at the same time, if a man has this cheating gene, can he truly be openly honest about his true feelings without getting jacked up?
Very few women will accept a man who wants to share himself with more than one...unless she from Utah!
What female do you know will accept a man who wants her…and all the women in her yoga class?
Dealing with one person can be sexually frustrating depending on your environmental conditioning; let’s take fast food for example: I love French fries, and I’m accustom to a certain amount of fries per serving - now imagine eating just one fry!
I’m a hungry man; if you serve me one single fry…I’ll tear down the whole restaurant!
It’s good that the owners at this cheap restaurant are looking out for the potato…but what about me? Yeah I’m losing weight, but now I’m skinny and miserable!
I just don't think there's only one answer to this; no one can be physically attracted to one person for the rest of their lives; but I guess if you act on it, society will treat you like scum because you lack discipline, and self-control.
If you’re in a committed relationship, what do you do to keep up that spark? When you’re with someone for so long, you realize that the things you found sexy and exciting in the beginning, now becomes a flaw.
Just from being with my wife for almost 11 years, I realize my wife really sucks at spontaneity; for her, everything has to be planned out.
I can never just take her by surprise…she’ll cry rape!
I’m her husband – living in the same house…but now she’s walking around with a rape whistle!
She’s even spending my hard earned cash taking self-defense classes!
Now when I bring her chocolates, she kicks me in the nuts!
If I ask for sex, and she just happens to say yes, she has to make preparations; she has to make the bed, put on some soft music, by the time she's on her back…my dicks soft!
Do you know what's its like having sex with a soft dick?
That's like stuffing play-doh into a small hole!
Truth is we have to stop thinking that only men commit adultery...women cheat too!
I know tons of women who do scandalous things behind their husband’s backs; the numbers are staggering!
For every loving faithful woman, there's a not so faithful wife dying to fuck!
She sleeps around so much; you swear she didn’t get any play on her honeymoon!
I don't trust any women; because every woman on this planet has options; even the ugliest female on earth can get dick!
I have very little faith in the women I know; when my wife comes home from work, I'm almost tempted to check her under garments for a pubic hair!
(I’m always equipped with a magnify-glass and tweezers.)
Many women cheat, and I know this for a fact; the reason why I know this, is because almost every girl I've slept with...had a man!
(Don't expect me to share any stories with you; most of these guys are still alive and kicking.)
Now how many of you have cheating parents?
You might look at them as saints, but they’re not all God’s children!
If I’m wrong, then The Almighty have some black sheep in his family!
I used to know a guy whose parents were cheating on each other, and some how he found out about it; so they would both give him hush money, just to shut him up.
Now that I know his story, someone should have paid me money to shut me up!
Both of his parents are in the medical field; do you know how much Doctors make a year? Boy if they were my parents, I'd be a rich man!
Why should I bring home the bacon, when I got cheating parents paying off my mortgage?
No marriage is perfect - none! There's a reason why so many married men hang out at massage parlors. Men ain’t getting rubdowns because of a stiff neck…trust me!
(And who do you know gets a massage at 2 in the morning?)
I think one of the reasons why it’s so difficult to stay focused on one person, is because we’re bombarded with too many types of people of the opposite sex.
We’re stimulated by their personalities, their interests, especially their physical characteristics.
(A lot of it is built on fantasy and wishful thinking…thanks to multi-media.)
What makes things so difficult, there's no way we can put all of the best attributes into one ideal person; because the last time I checked…
HUMANS AREN’T CUSTOM MADE!
If the elderly came to me for a psychic prediction, I would say “Well, the only thing I see in your future…is a casket.”
I am the deliverer of bad news; I don’t know why I can’t get an Anchor job at a news broadcast.
Anyway, I’m about to let you in on something parents don’t prepare you for; this won’t be an issue for all of you, but when it comes to future relationships, its always good to prepare yourself for the worst.
This month’s topic is on the subject of infidelity; not only about the practice of it, but the thought. Some of you may be threatened by the subject matter, but once you’re married, fantasizing about a marital affair is totally harmless…if you or your partner can keep it to yourselves.
I’ve been with the same person for almost 11 years, and I’ve been married for over 2; and I can’t help the fact that I still have sexual desires for other women.
But seriously: is it considered sinful to lust after another person?
If so, why is it wrong for me to lust after another woman other than my wife?
I can’t help it if one of my weaknesses is the image of a woman’s figure!
I love the shape of a woman; I love the feminine shape so much, I lose it whenever I see a Pepsi bottle!
Now what causes the actual act of infidelity in men?
Is it hereditary?
Is it environment?
Is it Angelina Jolie?
Then I started thinking; are we actually supposed to be with one person for the rest of our lives? It’s worth trying, but the practice of everlasting monogamy seems a little unnatural; marriage would be a lot easier if the average human life span was five years!
Now I’m not breaking any vows because I’m fantasizing about sleeping with other women, I can have thoughts of robbing banks; it ain’t a crime till I say “This is a hold up!”
In all reality, I think it's extremely difficult staying faithful to one individual; it's easier to be emotionally involved with one person, but when it comes to butt-naked, nasty-ass sex…a different body and face, can be totally stimulating…or so I’m told.
(I hear having a concubine or two gets you through those hard times. Pardon the pun!)
Don’t get me wrong; there are many benefits from staying with one person: there’s a sense of security, and stability, and once in awhile you can get away with being bad in bed.
(You can rest assured that your spouse won’t break up with you…when you pass wind.)
Don't dismiss me as of yet; every bone in my body tells me that infidelity’s wrong, but hormones will put up a strong argument.
You put hormones and morals in the same room, hormones will win the debate every time. Testosterone should be the Host of CNN’s Crossfire!
People are cheating, more than you think. When my guy friends tell me about their love affairs with women other than their pretty wives, I'm discussed… yet stimulated!
The truth is, I love hearing stories about infidelity; that’s my fantasy; some people fantasize about time travel, I fantasize about marital affairs. If I had a time machine, I wouldn’t visit ancient Rome…I’d revisit past one night stands!
Stories about a cheating spouse excites me for some dysfunctional reason; a cheating man getting away with murder is one thing; but there's nothing more exciting than a horny, cheating, desperate house wife...as long as it ain’t my wife!
If I found out my woman cheated on me, she wouldn't live long enough to tell her friends about it; not because she messed around, but because I’d look like the punk who couldn’t do her right!
Women will argue that if a man cheats on his wife, it's because he didn't find his true soul mate; I don't think that's ‘always’ the case; very few people on earth can supply all of their partner’s sexual needs.
A man might be with his ultimate soul mate…who happens not to like anal!
Do you dump your wife and leave her for another, simply because she doesn’t like being stuffed like a thanksgiving turkey?
You end up going for that other woman who loves taking it from behind, but happens to hate intellectual conversation - what do you do? Overdub her voice with old recorded lectures from your University Professor?
(Just for the record, I’m not into anal; but a good sexual relationship is about give and take; so to keep a woman like that happy, I would have to stand at a distance, and feed her naked ass with a wooden broomstick!)
Not everyone can get true sexual satisfaction from one person; sexual fulfillment may come with more than one. So if you’re male, and this sounds like you, you can only come clean if you marry a swinger!
(You better hope your future wife has sexual thoughts about your best man!)
I must say it can get overly redundant having sex with the same person all the time; why? Because it's the same person…all the time!
You can find many sexual activities to spice up your relationship all you want; but a man’s wife can only dress up as a Catholic School Girl so many times.
Before you settle down, think this through: being with one person for the rest of your life is very difficult if you’re talking sexually; if I didn't have to put up with all the nagging and the bickering...I'd consider polygamy!
A man is a cheating man, no matter how you want to slice it, and it is wrong for a man to deceive his wife; but at the same time, if a man has this cheating gene, can he truly be openly honest about his true feelings without getting jacked up?
Very few women will accept a man who wants to share himself with more than one...unless she from Utah!
What female do you know will accept a man who wants her…and all the women in her yoga class?
Dealing with one person can be sexually frustrating depending on your environmental conditioning; let’s take fast food for example: I love French fries, and I’m accustom to a certain amount of fries per serving - now imagine eating just one fry!
I’m a hungry man; if you serve me one single fry…I’ll tear down the whole restaurant!
It’s good that the owners at this cheap restaurant are looking out for the potato…but what about me? Yeah I’m losing weight, but now I’m skinny and miserable!
I just don't think there's only one answer to this; no one can be physically attracted to one person for the rest of their lives; but I guess if you act on it, society will treat you like scum because you lack discipline, and self-control.
If you’re in a committed relationship, what do you do to keep up that spark? When you’re with someone for so long, you realize that the things you found sexy and exciting in the beginning, now becomes a flaw.
Just from being with my wife for almost 11 years, I realize my wife really sucks at spontaneity; for her, everything has to be planned out.
I can never just take her by surprise…she’ll cry rape!
I’m her husband – living in the same house…but now she’s walking around with a rape whistle!
She’s even spending my hard earned cash taking self-defense classes!
Now when I bring her chocolates, she kicks me in the nuts!
If I ask for sex, and she just happens to say yes, she has to make preparations; she has to make the bed, put on some soft music, by the time she's on her back…my dicks soft!
Do you know what's its like having sex with a soft dick?
That's like stuffing play-doh into a small hole!
Truth is we have to stop thinking that only men commit adultery...women cheat too!
I know tons of women who do scandalous things behind their husband’s backs; the numbers are staggering!
For every loving faithful woman, there's a not so faithful wife dying to fuck!
She sleeps around so much; you swear she didn’t get any play on her honeymoon!
I don't trust any women; because every woman on this planet has options; even the ugliest female on earth can get dick!
I have very little faith in the women I know; when my wife comes home from work, I'm almost tempted to check her under garments for a pubic hair!
(I’m always equipped with a magnify-glass and tweezers.)
Many women cheat, and I know this for a fact; the reason why I know this, is because almost every girl I've slept with...had a man!
(Don't expect me to share any stories with you; most of these guys are still alive and kicking.)
Now how many of you have cheating parents?
You might look at them as saints, but they’re not all God’s children!
If I’m wrong, then The Almighty have some black sheep in his family!
I used to know a guy whose parents were cheating on each other, and some how he found out about it; so they would both give him hush money, just to shut him up.
Now that I know his story, someone should have paid me money to shut me up!
Both of his parents are in the medical field; do you know how much Doctors make a year? Boy if they were my parents, I'd be a rich man!
Why should I bring home the bacon, when I got cheating parents paying off my mortgage?
No marriage is perfect - none! There's a reason why so many married men hang out at massage parlors. Men ain’t getting rubdowns because of a stiff neck…trust me!
(And who do you know gets a massage at 2 in the morning?)
I think one of the reasons why it’s so difficult to stay focused on one person, is because we’re bombarded with too many types of people of the opposite sex.
We’re stimulated by their personalities, their interests, especially their physical characteristics.
(A lot of it is built on fantasy and wishful thinking…thanks to multi-media.)
What makes things so difficult, there's no way we can put all of the best attributes into one ideal person; because the last time I checked…
HUMANS AREN’T CUSTOM MADE!
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