Love’s Many Personalities

Some of us talk about love like its one thing; we fail to remember that there are many different types of love.

We will question a couple’s love for one another if they don’t flaunt it in public. We’ll even question a person’s love, if he claims he’s in love with more than one person.

Well I’m here to break down some of the different types of love; before we judge someone, let’s have a better understanding of the different variations of love, and its functions.

Everyone’s capable of love; few are limited on how it should be expressed...and I believe I’m one them. Because of my upbringing, I’ve always had trouble fully expressing affectionate and romantic love.

My father was never verbal about the two; and if he was, then my mother must have been deaf in one ear!

I was brought up not to show affection; just by watching the actions of my father, I believed showing that type of love was unmanly and weak.

We males grew up as young boys watching stereotypical men on TV; Hercules had the strength of ten men - who wants a male hero with the emotions of ten women?

We’re looking for male role models that will beat the shit out of evil villains; not nurture them!

My father never actually said don’t show love towards a female, but as a child, I watched how he treated my poor mother; that man was very distant!
He was so cold, we never needed a refrigerator; my dad could keep chicken frozen…by placing it on his chest!

When he did show some affection, it was a special event; for us it was like watching a live musical - it even got rave reviews.

During my father’s great performance, my sisters and I would discuss it…like it was an actual show!
“Love the scene where dad hugged mom…too bad this production’s only in town for a few more hours.”

My mom always expressed her feelings; when she used to tell me that she loved me as a child, I didn’t understand it at the time; but it made me cringe.
I would say to her, “You’re expressing love again…I’m gonna tell dad!”

Let’s talk about romantic love.
What’s the difference between romantic, and sexual love?
Some people can easily get the two confused.

In my opinion, romantic love is something that can last for eternity; but sexual love, it can end up lasting only three minutes!

When it comes to sexual love, both parties have to be on the same page; you have to let your partner know right away that you’re in love with that person...but only when you’re horny!

What’s considered making love?
Well you’re going to have to ask a female about that one!

What I do know about making love?
In my head, love making is it’s a slower, softer version of fucking!

Sorry; what I should be telling you is that love making is more than just poking at a hole, and caressing body parts; it’s more than just a physical activity.

Making love is one of many ways to express your feelings for another person; love making is the combination of two bodies, and two souls communicating in a language that can’t be translated by human tongue; but can be heard by human ear…if you’re listening through a cup on the wall!

Nothing’s wrong with casual sex, but the act can be a fight for dominance, or a way to boost one’s ego; making love is about connecting & sharing.
I know; I didn’t think of that…a former unsatisfied sex partner told me that one!

But I’ll add this: during this process, two individuals becomes one: one heart beat… one thought…one condom!

What’s the difference between affectionate, and infatuated love?
Now I can admit; I’ve had infatuated love for many women…but affectionately loved only few.
Many times I’ve met women at a club, and thought it was love at first sight; then realized afterwards that my eye sight wasn’t that good!

Love is blind; instead of an arrow, Cupid should’ve hit me with a blind stick!

Now the women I actually did love didn’t even know it - why? Because when I’m in love, I feel vulnerable; when it comes to expressing feelings, I put up my guard; as Captain Picard would say “Shields up!”

I was never good at expressing love as a kid, but great at expressing anger & aggression.
If I fell for someone, I would express my love by punching her in the face!

I’m sure that just turned some of you off; but maybe I can win you back, by telling you that I violently fought my enemies with hugs and kisses!

They were ready for combat holding sticks and crowbars; so I came prepared with lipstick!

(I just wanted to be the first hero with the emotions of ten women!)

There was a girl I loved in Junior High by the name of Anne Bassoon.
Maybe this was puppy love, but at the time, I can say that I truly loved her…but Anne Bassoon hated my guts!

She hated me so much she even got her older brother after me!
I was trying to express to her brother how much I loved her; I even said to him,
“Look at her black eye; if that ain’t love…what is?!

And if you come any closer…I’m gonna be forced to pull out my lipstick!”

Let’s talk about unconditional love.
Part of unconditional love is when you can view a person’s flaws without judgment.

I’m proud to say that I love my two sons unconditionally; even when they get out of hand…and we all know how I express my love!

I love my wife unconditionally…but under certain conditions!

I tell her,
“I will always love you no matter what…as long as you agree to my terms.”

She knows what my terms are; a carb diet, and a Stairmaster!

Do we love all our family members unconditionally, or is that obligatory love?
We have serial killers who have committed the worst crime known to man; and they have siblings who love them to death!
Love them to death?
I wish they could use that as a form of capital punishment!

Obligatory love for family is a reality; if my mom happened to be an evil bitch, I guess I’d be obligated to love her; because she didn’t have to carry me for 9 months.
Look’s like I’m obligated to love my father, because he could’ve kicked me out the house at 9 months!

Every time I pass by a trash can, I say to myself “This could’ve been home…but it’s a lot warmer out here than my dad’s house!”

Obligatory love can be beneficial at times when it comes to family.
Years ago, I was arrested for assault; my older sister was the one who bailed me out.
I guess she felt responsible; after all I did get the lipstick out of her make-up kit!

I have to say it pays to have other siblings during a time of need; when my friends tell me they’re an only child, I say to them
“If you get arrested…who’s gonna bail you out?
I hope you don’t call my sister; I need her just in case I get arrested for tax evasion!”

We all say we have love for our country; is this patriotic love, or is this also obligatory?
Saying you love your country is simply the right thing to say! What would happen if you said you hated it? Patriots won’t be attacking you with hugs and kisses!

Because of obligation, no matter how shitty things get, you can’t say your country sucks; only an illegal alien can say that!

(You can secretly agree with him…then have him deported.)

Now let’s talk about passionate love; how many of us really know this type?
Passionate Love is the driving force of all things created by man; without it, nothing manmade would exist.

Because of passion, George Washington Carver was passionate enough to invent peanut butter!
If it weren’t for peanut butter, where would jam be today?

Passion makes the impossible, possible.
If the Wright Brothers didn’t have passion for inventing the plane, we’d still be going on vacation by boat!
We would have to travel 7 months, just to go on a 7 day vacation!

Passionate love is something we feel in the middle of our chest; whether we feel it for another individual, career, or a simple hobby.
Though what we feel in our chest isn’t always passionate love; sometimes it’s just a heart attack!

(Looks like someone had a passion for fried food!)

This is all I have on this subject, but there are so many other types of love I didn’t get into, like platonic love; but for all you guys who has a hot chick as a best friend…that’s just plain evil!
The closest the two of you will ever have sex, is when you name your right-hand after her!

The reason why love can’t be easily defined is because love in itself isn’t just a single emotion; every time you feel love, it’s a combination of another sensation.

Now knowing this, I’d like to add more compassion to the love I feel inside; so that one day I can compassionately love and help…
ALL PEOPLE!